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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Endless sorrow.

12th of July, a peaceful day. A normal working day. Everybody is busy with their works. But somehow, life isn't that peaceful at all.

Yes, something did happen. But far away from me. So this is why I woke up so early today, even though I had only a few hours sleep?

Dear brother, yes, my cousin brother. A little bit childish yet mature and funny guy. A guy who used to play and talk around with me always. A guy who's unmarried but wanted to find his dream girl to marry at the age of 30+? 30 is certainly a growing old man. Yet he's still working and not giving up of finding his dream wife..

Today, he's gone home. Yeah, hopefully he has gone home, to the glory land. But, he's not even a religious person, how would I know he had been brought home by the great God? No one knows. A tragic accident, that nobody would have expected.

He's a guy which loves to play with real cars. Repairing them, modifying them, go for journey car trips, and being a helpful and understanding son at home - helping his parents to work, although they're staying at a small village near to the rural areas.. how would a young guy like him is willingly to stay at a small village which is not so modern to work for his parents? Hardly eh?

I don't even dare to count how many people around me had passed away this year. It's just half year past, and few of my beloved friends and relatives had passed away. Life is full of sorrowness eh? Thinking back then, looking at pictures that we took on his sister's wedding night, tears rolling down like a stream.. it's just one month. And he had been expecting his baby niece to be born end of this year, when everyone thinks of this, the sourness in our heart just keep on growing. Who would expect things to happen that fast?

The unpredictable life is so scary. I don't know how to accept more and more of the pain and sorrowness in life anymore. Yes, life has to go on. But the scars inside my heart will still remain, and it's also deeply hurt. Yeah, I'll be going back to my hometown to see him ONE LAST TIME. He's a lovely brother, a caring one. And an understanding one. How I miss those times that we used to hang out together and have fun, how I miss those times that he used to stay at our house and care about each other, how I miss...

The pain of my heart cannot be expressed through words, I really had enough. I'm still trying to accept it, trying hard.. but my heart still resists the fact.. I'm trying to runaway.. from this sorrow life..